It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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