In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
