your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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