There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
