My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
