I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
