I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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