I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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