YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
