three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
