I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
