we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
