I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
