Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
