his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Someone came in the potted fern
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
