Betty ford says i'm here all night
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i've created a new STD.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
