nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
be right there i have to get my cape
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
