I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize