I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
