i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
