I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
