Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
