Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
