omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
