But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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