You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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