I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
