I think I am morally bankrupt
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
