I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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