I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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