hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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