then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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