Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
