I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
