The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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