Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
