Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
