glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
