I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
