It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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