I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
