Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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