I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
