I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
