you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
