why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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