Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
