Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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