You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
