..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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