i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
