I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
