..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We have so much sex to catch up on
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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