Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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