Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
