ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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