I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
