Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
