You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
COCAINE IS GR8
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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