wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
