Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
