God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
