I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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