if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
