This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
