he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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