Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
