Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
