hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
