Don't you send me to vm
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
