My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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